Wednesday, October 20, 2010

I need a Backbone, I lost Mine :(

Disappointment in others is never good or healthy. We are all who we are. I just wish that I had been given the skills to speak my mind with those I love more than just keep my mouth shut. There have been many times I let people use and abuse me or walk all over me and I say nothing. All of us are guilty about that, we figure it's easier to say nothing than cause problems. But it's not, all it does is reinforce that behavior.

I am in turmoil due to others choices that effect myself and my family past, present, and future. I can't find the right words or enough backbone to say what needs to be said. It's a beautiful thing how complex humans are and a terrible thing as well. Please pray that I get the strength to turn an issue into a positive story and to speak up.

*Thank you to my mom for understanding as she has the same issue (she takes blame for my sisters and I having this problem) and for finally starting to speak up for herself and for us. I struggled with this as a kid because she never stood up for me and I stood up for myself too much, right now I miss that angry kid and want it to come out of hiding and voice "my" opinions.

I am jumping off my soapbox as I am not ready to leave and I still don't have my supplies to ship out some orders sitting on my worktable. That is not helping the turmoil going on in my head.

Enjoy your weekend, hopefully mine goes better than I think it is going to. Positive events happening: see both my sisters, shopping with my mom and them, seeing my best friend. Those should be enough to fix a black cloud overhead any day.


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